a fun family dinner not
by thelilacfield
Summary: Meeting the future in-laws who also happen to be Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy is going to be a whole bundle of fun. Right? Right? W R O N G! DracoAstoria, for Dri


Happy happy happy (early) birthday to Dri (**Skandar-Loves-Redvines**)! I hope you like this, dearie :)

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><p><span>a fun family dinner (not)<span>

"Astoria Helena Greengrass, marry me?"

She stared at him, completely speechless. Out of everything she'd thought he was planning, a proposal had not been on the list. But there he was, down on one knee, a ring in his hand that threw rainbows onto the walls.

"Did you ask my father's permission?" Though he looked slightly disgruntled at this question, he took it in his stride.

"Of course. When you were out with Daphne, meeting the florist for _her _wedding, I was with your parents."

"I would have said yes even if you hadn't, but if you have it's far easier." Astoria smiled and held out her left hand. "Yes, I will marry you, Draco."

He didn't howl in triumph or leap up and hug her like Theodore had done when Daphne accepted his proposal. He smiled, slid the ring onto her finger - it fitted perfectly, throwing rainbows across her lit-up face - and got calmly to his feet. He'd been raised that way, not to show emotion, though he was getting warmer, more open, since the end of the war.

She took matters into her own hands. It was a trait of Greengrass women, after all. With a bright smile she embraced him, murmuring thanks in his ear as he kissed him, neither of them able to keep the smiles away.

The moment she arrived back at the tiny house in Muggle London, Astoria poked Hermia awake - getting a vicious peck to the hand for her trouble - and grabbed a roll of parchment from her desk, scribbling letters to her parents and sister and close friends, informing them of her engagement.

Daphne arrived the next morning, manoeuvring several unwieldy shopping bags through the door and flopping down onto Astoria's ancient but very comfy sofa with a sigh of relief. After a moment of rest after a no doubt hectic morning (she was determined to have the wedding of the decade) she grabbed Astoria's hand to look at the ring.

"Oh, wow, Tori, it's beautiful," she said in hushed, reverent tones. "He must do well for himself to be able to afford that."

"He's a Malfoy, Daph, they're nothing if not rich," Astoria laughed. "I think it's probably some family heirloom."

"So, how did he ask you?" Daphne asked, tucking her legs under her in preparation for a long, wildly romantic story.

"He took me out for dinner and dancing last night," Astoria began, twirling her ring with a dreamy look in her dark blue eyes. "We were dancing together when he got down on one knee and just asked me. I said yes and he put the ring on and kissed me. That's pretty much it."

"Oh." Daphne seemed a little disappointed that the proposal hadn't been as romantic as Theodore's to her, but quickly perked up. "So, when are you going to produce the Malfoy heir?"

Astoria choked on her coffee and Daphne, choking back laughter, whacked her on the back several times until the coughing finally stopped. Daphne then continued, "I mean, his parents won't really like you until you give birth to a boy with Malfoy blood and don't you want your children and mine to grow up together?"

"I got engaged _last night_, Tori," Astoria said between more coughs. "Children aren't even on the radar yet."

"Tori, do you remember when we made life plans? Children were _third _on yours, after graduating school and falling in love. If you're going to stay accurate to that plan, you should start making babies now."

"I was only _seven_, Daph. I haven't even been engaged twenty-four hours."

"Have you slept with him?" Daphne asked in her usual blunt way. Astoria ducked her head and didn't respond, but felt her cheeks grow hot, ready to give her away. Daphne crowed in triumph. "You _have_! Merlin, Tori, you man eater!"

"_Once_, when I was upset because I thought he was going to break up with me and he'd been at the Firewhisky."

"Ah, so your crazy paranoia and his excessive drinking came in handy for once! Did you ever try again when you were both happy and sober? _Don't _give me that look, I've been your sister for twenty-one years, I'm hardly likely to believe you've only slept with him once." Daphne fixed her sister with a probing stare and Astoria was powerless to resist that gaze.

"Fine, we've slept together four times and three out of four we were both happy and sober. That satisfy your curiosity?" A wicked grin came over Daphne's face.

"Maybe…if you tell me what he's like in bed."

"_What_?"

"Come on, just tell me. If you tell me, I'll tell you about Theo. I pinky-promise."

"Don't be ridiculous with you pinky-promising! Oh, alright, I'll tell you. But you have to _swear _you'll tell me."

"I _swear_! Look, I'll even link pinkies. Now, what is Draco like in bed?"

"_Amazing_. Oops, did I say that out loud?" Astoria flushed bright red and Daphne laughed, several tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You're very complimentary. Right, time for me to keep my end of the bargain…in _great _detail." Daphne winked suggestively at her younger sister.

"Oh, Merlin, please no!" Daphne put her head on one side, pretending to consider something.

"Okay, maybe not this morning. Some other time. I think it's too early in the day for discussions about handcuffs and stripper poles and-"

"Oh, shut up, Daph. Just because your sex life is better than mine…"

Daphne grinned and picked up her cup of coffee, going cold because she'd talked so much, clunking her cup against Astoria's and chipping the china.

"To our amazing sex lives and future husbands," she proclaimed loudly. Astoria whacked herself lightly on the forehead and just shook her head at her sister.

"You're incorrigible."

"Incorri-what?" Daphne asked, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "Someone obviously swallowed the thesaurus this morning."

"Oh, shut up," Astoria said, rolling her eyes and elbowing her sister.

"That is a very rude phrase, Astoria. The preferred phrase is 'Please be quiet'," Daphne said in a magnificent impersonation of their Great Aunt Greta. Astoria giggled and they sat together for a few minutes, talking about inanities like the weather and work instead of their fiancés and sex lives.

The broken doorbell buzzed as they were snorting with laughter over old photo albums. Daphne peered out of the window and that wicked grin spread across her face again.

"I'll give you three guesses who it is. He's tall, pale and blonde. He bought you a very special piece of jewellery. He's, in your words, _amazing _in bed. Who is it?"

"Stall him," Astoria said, leaping to her feet and grabbing the tray that now only held dirty cups and biscuit crumbs. "Make him a cup of tea, talk about the weather, anything. I need to go and make myself look less hideous."

"Can I talk about how they just don't make handcuffs for women with plumper wrists these days?" Daphne asked innocently. Astoria just raised an eyebrow in a way that asked _What do you think? _and flew from the room as Draco rang the bell again.

"Morning, Draco," Daphne said, greeting him with a sunny smile and biscuit crumbs on her skirt. "Astoria upstairs getting tarted up, so she'll be at least an hour. You should probably come back later."

"Very funny, Daph," Draco said, with just the barest hint of sarcasm. "You obviously know your way around this house, so maybe you could make me a cup of tea while I read the paper and wait for Astoria?" Daphne laughed, nodded and vanished into the kitchen, singing untunefully and crashing about far more than someone making three cups of tea needed to. Draco raised his eyes to heaven at the ridiculousness of his future sister-in-law's antics and asked himself again why on earth Theodore had chosen her.

Five minutes later, when Daphne was still clattering about looking for chocolate biscuits and Draco was absorbed in the business pages, Astoria came charging back down the stairs, all dolled up in jeans that showed off her long legs and a midnight blue silk shirt that had been a gift from Draco, made-up, scented and shining with her hair pinned back in a golden cloud.

"You look beautiful," Draco said, kissing her. Pleased beyond words at the show of affection that proclaimed that Draco was getting better at displaying emotion all the time, Astoria responded gleefully to his caresses and lips.

"Oh, getta room," Daphne said dryly from the doorway. "Just remember, while you're snogging the pants off each other, I'm slaving away like Cinderella."

"Making three cups of tea is hardly taxing," Draco said, removing the burden of his cup from the lemon-slice-patterned tray in Daphne's hands while Astoria blushed furiously and frantically wiped away her smudged lipstick.

"Did you come just to snog my sister?" Daphne asked, ignoring Astoria's angry mouthing and taking her own cup and a biscuit, squeezing herself in-between the lovebirds. "Am I going to have to do my protective-older-sister act and castrate you?"

"D_aph_ne!" Astoria exclaimed, blushing worse than ever. "Shut up, _please_!"

"No, I actually came to convey an invitation," Draco said, somehow managing to smile reassuringly at Astoria and glare at Daphne at the same time, "from my parents. To dinner on Saturday night. My mother wants you, Theodore and your parents to come too, Daphne. It's a get-together for our families before I marry Astoria."

"Oh, I'm sure Mum and Dad will be _thrilled _to come," Daphne muttered. However, she had never known what muttering or whispering was and both Astoria and Draco heard her and made faces. All three of them knew that Marcel and Elizabeth Greengrass had never liked the Malfoys.

Marcel disapproved of Lucius' status as a Death Eater, having remained neutral through both wars but encouraged his daughters to fight with Hogwarts. Elizabeth hated the fact that Narcissa employed house elves to do her work when the woman did not work. Elizabeth was also a pureblood wife who did not work, but she hated enslaving house elves and had joined the organisation known as SPEW.

"Please tell them their coming will make the whole evening a lot more bearable," Draco pleaded. "I can't bear for us to be alone with my parents for an entire evening. They drive me crazy."

"Well, they didn't exactly come out well after the war," Daphne remarked. "Didn't your father lose his title as a Lord, so your mother's no longer Lady Malfoy and your father only escaped Azkaban by doing a bazillion hours of community service and joining the Order of the Phoenix? Is that what happened, or am I being stupid?" Draco glared at her, but nodded.

"I'm not going to be like them," he promised the two women. "I'm going to become a lord for my work at the Ministry and Astoria will be my perfect Lady." Astoria smiled into his eyes and kissed him.

"Oh, _please_! You mushy fools." Daphne rolled her eyes and sighed heavily, tapping her foot suggestively.

"I've never met your parents properly," Astoria mused as she pulled away from Draco with a glare for her sister. "Could we call this the first time meeting the in-laws?"

"You probably could," Daphne said. "We'll go shopping tomorrow, Tori. But, now, lovebirds, I have to go. Organising the wedding of the decade demands a lot of my time, you know." Astoria rolled her eyes and ushered her sister towards the front door, smiling at Draco in a way that promised more when she returned.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Daph," she said, briefly hugging her sister. Daphne hugged her back warmly and released her with that horribly familiar wicked grin.

"Remember, little sister, use protection," she said as Astoria hastily opened the door and forcibly pushed her out into the street. "And, if you're ever in need of a pair of handcuffs or a stripper pole, don't hesitate to ask." Astoria slammed the door and leant against it for a minute or two, until she was sure Daphne wasn't about to burst back inside.

"Is she gone?" Draco called from the living room. Astoria smiled to herself and walked slowly back to him, discarding her shirt as she went.

"Long gone," she said with a smirk. Draco smirked identically and locked the door and windows, drawing the curtains.

Saturday came in a wave of trembling nerves and hysterics over everything going wrong. After Astoria had stabbed herself in the eye with the mascara brush for the fifth time, she screamed incoherently and threw the brush down onto the floor in anger, where it left a black mark on the brand-new cream carpet.

"For Salazar's sake, calm down, Tori!" Daphne exclaimed, already perfect and pretty in a black dress with pearls hanging around her neck and her face carefully made-up, her hair twisted back into a bun and fixed with a jewelled comb. "Let me do your make-up! You're stressing too much, it's just a quiet family dinner."

"But what if they don't like me, Daph!" Astoria screamed. "I couldn't take it if Draco's parents hate me!"

"You're pureblood, that's all they care about," Daphne said, picking up the mascara brush and vanishing the dark stain with a spell. "Sit still and close your eyes." Astoria obeyed, her fingers playing with the embroidery on her skirt while Daphne made her up quickly and expertly.

"Put your dress on, and **don't **get make-up on it," Daphne ordered, packing away all the make-up and blowing lint from her dress with her wand before loading up her little black clutch (fitted with an undetectable extension charm, of course). "If you do, I will murder you."

Shaking violently with nerves, Astoria slithered into a new cream dress, belted to show off her neat figure and falling to an inch or so above her knees. Huffing as she bent down in her tight dress, Daphne buckled her sister's silver shoes and stood up, examining the pair of them critically in the mirror.

"You look perfect, and _so _skinny," she said enviously. "Pity I was born big."

"You're _voluptuous_," Astoria corrected, a smile gracing her face for the first time all day as she too filled an extension-charmed clutch with the night's essentials.

"Which is just the thesaurus' way of saying I'm fat," Daphne said light-heartedly, smiling and patting her middle ruefully. "Theo says he likes women with a bit of meat on them-" She was cut off in singing Theodore's praises by Astoria clamping her hands over her ears and beginning to sing loudly, drowning out Daphne.

"I don't need to throw up before meeting Draco's parents, thank _you_," Astoria said when Daphne signalled that she could stop singing.

"It's ten to eight, we should probably Apparate over there," Daphne said, picking up all her belongings and holding out her arm. Astoria hated Apparating, but Side-Along always made it slightly better. Bracing herself for the nausea that would come, Astoria took a deep breath and took Daphne's arm.

They arrived on the immaculate, emerald green lawn of Malfoy Manor with a loud _crack! _as Theodore arrived with Marcel and Elizabeth right behind him. Daphne bounced across the grass to take Theodore's arm and Astoria hugged both her parents, a smile on her face.

It had slipped a minute later when Narcissa Malfoy, looking ridiculously old-fashioned in a dark green gown with the Malfoy crest around her neck, welcomed them at the door. Astoria's first thought was how _old _Narcissa looked with her heavily-lined face and her antique gown next to Elizabeth's youthful face and purple dress, even though there couldn't be more than four years between them.

"Welcome to Malfoy Manor," Narcissa said stiffly, gesturing for them all to step inside. As the huge doors clanged shut behind them, Astoria felt like she was being imprisoned. She quickly moved the thought to the back of her mind and followed her hostess down long, dark corridors, averting her eyes from the stuffed house elf heads mounted on the walls, their large eyes staring glassily at the high ceilings. Elizabeth was muttering disapprovingly to her husband and every so often Daphne would touched Astoria's shoulder reassuringly.

"This is Lucius, my husband," Narcissa said unnecessarily. Everyone present recognised the tall man with long, pale blonde hair, sitting straight-backed in a chair at the head of the table and regarding them all disdainfully.

"It's very nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs Malfoy," Astoria said, her voice oddly high with nerves. "I'm Astoria, Draco's fiancée."

"You _are_ of pure blood?" Lucius asked. His voice sent shivers down Astoria's spine and it was several long moments before she could speak again.

"Of course. Where is Draco?"

"He will be down presently," Lucius said in his formal way of speech. Narcissa approached the table, looking distinctly frightened, and sat next to her husband.

"Sit." That one word in her commanding voice was enough to make the four Greengrasses and Theodore hurriedly sit down with a great scraping and banging that echoed around the room.

The conversation was stilted while Astoria darted glances to the door, hoping Draco would come soon. After exchanging names and talking for a few seconds about the weather, they could think of nothing to say.

"My apologies for being late, Blaise owled and demanded an instant response," Draco said, running in. Astoria's heart skipped a beat at how handsome he looked. His shirt was the exact same shade as her dress and his tie was silver, like her shoes, while his suit jacket and trouser were as midnight blue as her eyes.

"Well, if we're all here, I'll call in the elves with the food," Narcissa said. She waved her wand and a bell rang shrilly somewhere in the house. A second later several elves trooped in, bearing roast beef and many vegetables, the last carrying three bottles of chilled champagne. As the little creatures bowed and scuttled out, Narcissa gestured for them all to eat.

"So, _Astoria_, what do you do for a living?" Narcissa asked as everyone ate in silence and solemnly drank the champagne.

"I'm training to be a magitect," Astoria said, her voice very quiet. "I finish training next year and enter into a year of apprenticeship before I can run my own firm."

After Narcissa nodded curtly, the meal was finished in absolute silence. Elizabeth was glaring at Narcissa and Astoria's only thought was to get her parents out as fast as possible.

"Well, thank you for a lovely evening, but we have to go," she said, standing up and grabbing hold of her parents to drag them out before they caused any trouble. "Thank you, it was a pleasure to meet you."

"I'll see you out," Draco said, leaping up from his chair and following after them.

The sky was dark and filled with shining stars as they left the foreboding house behind and stumbled down the lawn.

"I did warn you they weren't much fun," Draco said, polite kissing Daphne and Elizabeth's cheeks and grasping hands with Marcel and Theodore. "I'm sorry for putting you through that."

"No need, dear boy," Marcel said jovially. "We'll find excuses not to spend much time with them."

"Bye, dears," Elizabeth said, hugging each of the younger generation. "We'll see you soon." With a wave and a blown kiss, the older couple twisted on the spot and were gone.

"Well, it was a not-so-lovely evening, but Theo and I have urgent business," Daphne said, taking Theodore's hand. "See you soon, Tori, Draco."

"Your parents will become more bearable over time, I'm sure," Astoria said, determined to be positive.

"I doubt it," Draco muttered. "But, if you love me, you'll grin and bear it, won't you?"

Astoria smiled. "Of course."

He kissed her, tasting of champagne and mints and she kissed him back, winding her arm tightly around his neck. Who cared what her in-laws thought of her, when her fiancé was so damn perfect? Not her, at any rate.

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><p>This was also for <strong>ReillyJade<strong>'s **A First Time for Everything: Challenge **over on **HPFC**. My prompt was 'the first time meeting the in-laws'. I hope you all enjoyed this!

Once again, happy birthday, Dri, and I hope it is incredibly epic :D

Please don't favourite without reviewing, thank you :)


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